Handling Holiday Anxiety as a Sexual Assault Survivor
The holiday season, with its cheer, gatherings, and festivities, can be a challenging time for many, especially for survivors of sexual assault. Holiday events can evoke anxiety, bringing up old memories or introducing new stressors like large family gatherings, uncomfortable conversations, and an increase in social expectations. Navigating this season as a survivor requires both patience and self-compassion. Here are some strategies to help you manage holiday anxiety and create a season that prioritizes your well-being.
1. Set Boundaries and Honor Your Needs
It’s okay to say “no.” The holiday season often comes with expectations of socializing, attending family events, or visiting places that might feel overwhelming or triggering. Be honest with yourself about what you can handle and feel empowered to set boundaries that align with your emotional needs. Communicate openly with friends and family members, letting them know your plans or limitations. Boundaries can be a powerful tool to help you feel safer and more in control during this time.
Example: If you’re invited to a large gathering and it feels too overwhelming, consider joining for a smaller portion of the event or attending virtually if possible.
2. Practice Self-Care Regularly
Self-care is essential, especially during high-stress periods. Whether it’s taking time each day for a quiet cup of tea, practicing mindfulness, or spending a few moments journaling, small acts of self-care can help ground and center you. Identify activities that bring you a sense of peace or comfort and schedule them into your day. You deserve moments of calm and joy, so make your self-care a priority as often as possible.
Self-care ideas: Meditate, take a warm bath, enjoy a favorite book, or practice deep breathing exercises to center yourself.
3. Create a Personal “Holiday Survival Plan”
A holiday survival plan can include steps for managing overwhelming situations, such as identifying a “safe person” who understands your experience and can offer support during family gatherings or social events. Set up a check-in with them or a trusted friend during challenging moments. Additionally, consider creating an exit plan for gatherings if you feel the need to leave early. Having a plan can make you feel more secure and prepared to handle unexpected emotions or triggers.
Tips: Make a list of grounding techniques, a few positive affirmations, and people you can call for support. Having a go-to toolkit can offer reassurance.
4. Avoid Triggering Conversations
Family gatherings can sometimes lead to uncomfortable or triggering topics, especially when discussing relationships, life choices, or the past. Protect your emotional well-being by steering clear of conversations that may be upsetting. Have phrases prepared to gently redirect discussions or excuse yourself when necessary. Remember that you are not obligated to engage in any conversations that don’t feel safe for you.
Example phrases: “I’d rather focus on the present,” or “Let’s talk about something lighter.”
5. Focus on the Present Moment
The holidays can bring memories and emotions to the surface, which may feel overwhelming. Practicing mindfulness techniques can help you stay grounded and connected to the present. Try to engage all your senses in the moment—notice the textures around you, focus on the smells of holiday treats, and be aware of any comforting sounds. Mindfulness can help reduce anxiety by gently bringing your attention back to the “here and now,” especially when memories or feelings start to overwhelm.
Mindfulness idea: Try “5-4-3-2-1 Grounding,” a quick exercise that involves naming 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste. It’s a helpful way to bring yourself back to the present.
6. Build a Support System
If possible, connect with other survivors or friends who understand your journey. Online communities, support groups, or even a close circle of friends can offer empathy and understanding. Many survivors find comfort in knowing they aren’t alone, and these connections can provide encouragement. Reach out to support groups or community resources that help people navigate difficult times, and feel free to share your experiences or simply listen to others.
Where to connect: Online forums for survivors, local support groups, or helplines.
7. Limit Exposure to Media That May Be Triggering
Social media and holiday movies often showcase idealized images of the season, which may not align with your current experience. If seeing these images or stories increases your anxiety or feels triggering, consider taking a social media break or limiting your time online. Instead, focus on content that uplifts or empowers you, whether that’s listening to calming podcasts, watching comedies, or reading positive stories.
Tip: Curate your media by following accounts that inspire you, focusing on pages or communities that emphasize mental health and healing.
8. Practice Self-Compassion and Forgive Yourself
The holidays can amplify feelings of “what should be” and bring self-judgment if those expectations aren’t met. Be gentle with yourself. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel differently about the season, and that your experience is valid. Survivors often carry feelings of guilt or shame that don’t belong to them; practicing self-compassion is a way to counteract this. Affirm to yourself that healing is a journey and that you’re doing the best you can.
Self-compassion exercise: Place your hand over your heart, breathe deeply, and tell yourself, “I am enough, and I am deserving of peace.”
9. Take Time for Gratitude and Positive Reflection
While it’s natural to focus on the challenges, finding small moments of gratitude or positivity can uplift your spirit. Reflect on personal growth, connections with supportive people, or moments of peace you’ve experienced recently. Write them down in a journal or keep a gratitude list as a gentle reminder of the positive aspects in your life. Focusing on gratitude doesn’t ignore pain; it offers a balance that helps you navigate both joy and hardship.
Idea: Keep a daily gratitude list, writing down 1-3 things you’re grateful for each day.
10. Reach Out for Professional Support When Needed
If the holiday season brings up feelings that are too overwhelming, it’s okay to seek professional help. Many survivors find that therapy offers a safe space to explore difficult emotions, gain coping strategies, and heal over time. Reaching out to a therapist, counselor, or support group may be one of the most beneficial steps you can take during the holiday season.
Where to find help: Look for therapists who specialize in trauma or connect with local support organizations like RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network).
Final Thoughts
Navigating the holidays as a survivor can be challenging, but with thoughtful planning and self-care, it’s possible to experience moments of peace and comfort. Remember that your feelings are valid, and you deserve a holiday season that respects your boundaries and well-being. Taking small steps to protect your mental and emotional health can go a long way, and know that there is a community of supporters here for you.
If you’re ever in need, the Leila Grace Foundation offers support, resources, and understanding for those affected by sexual violence. You don’t have to face this journey alone. We are here to help survivors find strength, comfort, and resilience—during the holidays and every day of the year.