It is truly saddening that sexual assault survivors have to deal with trauma after experiencing this horrible
nightmare. This violence goes beyond substantial wounds; it negatively affects a survivor emotionally. Pain comes
through flashbacks, which can resurface suddenly, causing all types of emotions. Self-esteem may be ruined, as well
as the overall mindset, which could lead to depression. A survivor can have difficulty with trust, intimacy, and
self-confidence due to the horrible experience. Because many suffer from trauma, which can be known as PTSD, it’s
difficult not only for themselves but their families, friends, and partners.
If you’re a partner or a spouse of a sexual assault survivor, these are the basic ways you could support them.
It may be difficult to know how to exactly respond to your partners’ sexual assault experience which is
normal but they trusted you enough to tell you a private yet sensitive matter which is why the best thing to do is not
to pressure them to share their entire negative experience. Some survivors, once they gain trust, will either share the
entire story or will only share what happened without going into detail. The best thing to do is to listen and validate
their feelings. Commonly, survivors wait months or years, before talking about this topic. Once they truly confide in
you, never judge, but understand and reassure them they have your entire support.
The most important thing is to remove any type of blame. Never blame yourself or your partner but instead
focus on their needs. A survivor loses their entire sense of control once assaulted, so try to make sure they gain it
back by respecting their decisions and affirming the power of consent. They may have difficulties speaking up, so
make sure you demonstrate and illustrate their sense of power while improving communication. While working on
communication, silence plays an important part in it also. Silence demonstrates another form your partner may be
communicating through with various thoughts and emotions, so become comfortable with silence.
Intimacy may also play a difficult factor in the relationship due to the abuse, so do not feel insecure but
rather be sympathetic and understanding if your partner does not want to be sexually active or does not demonstrate
affection. Reassure them that it is okay and allow them to take their time. It is important to note, that during any
form of intimacy, your partner may experience flashbacks of the assault, which is normal. You have the power to
reduce this fear. Allow them to take control and if they mention the word ‘no’ or ‘stop’, move away, reassuring them
that they are in a safe environment with you.
In all, if your partner has recently been sexually abused or disclosed this type of information from their
past, be patient, listen, understand, and accept, without being judgmental. Try to educate yourself about all forms of
testing, medical evidence, or counseling but allowing them to make their own decisions. Overall, the basics are to
avoid any blame or asking too many questions that may cause any form of pressure. Guide and allow them to rebuild
their sense of control while also trying to find counseling for both. It is important to look after yourself and your
mental well-being to be a more efficient and constructive support system for the survivor
