By Gwen Washington, President, Leila Grace Foundation

Why is it that when someone shares that they have experienced sexual violence, harassment, or abuse, so many of the first questions are directed at the survivor?

What were they wearing?
Why were they there?
Were they drinking?
Why didn’t they leave?
Why didn’t they report it sooner?

We spend so much time questioning the person who was harmed that we sometimes fail to ask the most important question:

Why did someone choose to violate another person’s boundaries, dignity, or consent?

Survivors should not have to prove that they were “perfect victims” before they are deserving of compassion, respect, and support.

A person’s clothing is not consent.

Being intoxicated is not consent.

Flirting is not consent.

Going on a date is not consent.

Previous sexual activity is not consent.

And changing your mind is always allowed.

We Need to Change the Conversation

Accountability cannot stop with individuals. Our schools, colleges, organizations, families, and communities also have a responsibility to educate.

We must teach young people what healthy consent actually looks like.

We must teach communication, boundaries, respect, empathy, and bodily autonomy.

We must teach young men that masculinity does not require dominance, aggression, or sexual conquest. Strength can look like respecting boundaries, communicating clearly, and treating others with dignity.

And we must teach young people what to do when someone around them is behaving inappropriately.

If your friend is pressuring someone, speak up.

If someone is ignoring another person’s boundaries, intervene when it is safe to do so.

If someone tells you they have been harmed, listen before you judge.

Preventing sexual violence cannot rest solely on teaching potential victims how to protect themselves.

We must also educate people not to cause harm.

Educate. Educate. Educate.

Education is prevention.

Consent education should not begin after someone has already been harmed. It should begin long before that moment.

Young people deserve to learn that consent should be freely given, informed, enthusiastic, ongoing, and reversible.

They deserve to learn that rejection is not humiliation.

That boundaries are not personal attacks.

That another person’s body is never something they are entitled to.

And they deserve to learn that standing up when their peers behave disrespectfully can make a difference.

We cannot continue asking survivors to carry the entire burden of preventing violence.

We must create communities where respect is expected, consent is understood, intervention is encouraged, and accountability matters.

To Survivors: Your Story Matters

At the Leila Grace Foundation, we believe survivors deserve spaces where they can be heard without judgment.

Your story belongs to you.

You decide if, when, and how you share it.

If you are a survivor of sexual assault, abuse, harassment, or another form of sexual violence and would like to share your experience, we invite you to submit your story for consideration for the Leila Grace Foundation blog or podcast.

You may choose to share your name or remain anonymous.

Your voice may help another survivor feel less alone. It may help a parent start an important conversation. It may help a school or community recognize where change is needed.

Most importantly, your experience deserves to be treated with dignity.

Let’s stop placing survivors on trial for what happened to them.

Let’s put our energy where it belongs:

Education. Prevention. Respect. Consent. Accountability.

— Gwen Washington
President, Leila Grace Foundation